You poor, sad multimillionaire
by Hailey1
Summary: An A/U, L/J fic based on 'Two Weeks Notice'. Brilliant, yet slightly loony, Lily Evans had the 'perfect' life. That was until billionaire extraordinaire, James Potter entered her life and completely screwed everything up.
1. I find you annoying

**_Summary:_**_ A brilliant attorney, though crazy, Lily Evans thought she had the perfect life, a boyfriend (overseas), a job helping the unfortunate, and a constant supply of Italian food. When James Potter, billionaire extraordinaire, entered her life, everything went topsy-turvy insane!_

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**author's note: **I wanted to do a light-hearted fic, and when I saw the movie _Two Weeks Notice_ I found my "muse." Enjoy the story and review/flame; it'll make me very happy! The story takes place in my favorite city in the world, New York, and Lily is an American, and James is British! And, Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock make the cutest couple!!!

**disclaimer: **I don't own any part of the Harry Potter series or the movie _Two Weeks Notice._ The quote is from the movie _Two Weeks Notice_, when George and Lily are having a "heart-to-heart". The title is actually a quote from the endearingly sweet chick flick, _You've Got Mail._

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You poor, sad multimillionaire

**Chapter 1: **_"I find you…annoying"_

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          Okay. This rope was starting to chafe her wrists. She could just imagine the red rings that would be there when she finally took it off. Her dark red hair was blowing in her face and she hoped it wouldn't start to rain. No matter the conditions, she promised herself she would keep yelling until that wrecking ball moved or until she completely lost her voice.

          "You can't knock down this tree! It's a landmark! Look, there's a tree house up there! What about the little kids who play up there? Where will they play now? It's been in the neighborhood for hundreds of years!" Lily screamed at the filthy construction worker.

          "Look _Ms. Treehugger, I don't have time for this crap! I got to knock down this tree and the rest of these buildings, so Mr. Potter can build his new condominium complex! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna take you down with this wrecking ball!" He spat._

          "That's murder you slobbering, mangy, stupid idiot! And for your information, you uneducated moron, its **illegal**." Lily shot, sticking out her tongue. The construction worker Lily had named 'Joe' growled, and began to push the lever inching the wrecking ball nearer to the tree when all sounds were blocked out by the screeching of police sirens.

          "Looks like you got yourself arrested, missy." 'Joe' chuckled and Lily glared.

---

          Lily dialed the number that had forever been imprinted in her brain. The phone rang twice before she heard a tired, feminine 'Hello?' on the other side.

          "Abby it's me. Do you think you could pick me up…" Lily started.

          "Which police station is it this time?" Lily could just see her blue eyes roll.

          "Uh, Staten Island, two lefts off of Main." 

          "Gotcha, gimme twenty minutes." Lily heard the phone _click_ on the other end. She slumped into the hard wooden bench; it was going to be a long ride home.

---

          Arabella Figg glanced at Lily, she was rambling passionately about something, but Abby didn't really care. That's the way it was with Lily, she was always trying to save the world. 

          "I can't believe that James Potter…" Lily was ranting.

          "Did you say Potter? As in James Potter?" Lily had suddenly piqued Abby's interest.  

          "Yeah genius, why is the 'I'm so rich I have a swimming pool full of cash' have to do with you?" Lily asked one dark eyebrow raised.

          "Darling, have you ever **seen James Potter?" **

          "Yeah, black hair, blue eyes, idiotic smile…"

          "Not to mention incredibly **sexy?" Arabella added. **

          Lily wrinkled her nose in distaste, "Is that **all** that matters to you? Looks? He is a corporate tycoon who has no respect for no one but himself. He doesn't care about communities…" 

          As Lily droned on, Arabella tuned her out. One day she was going to take a mallet and _really knock some sense into that girl._

---

          Sirius Black glanced nervously at James. _Sure_, James could charm the pants off a dancing monkey, but this was the opening of the new library that Potter Corporations had almost fully funded. James wasn't _stupid; more of a naïve rich boy, but this was cause enough for Sirius to start wringing the napkin in his lap._

          "We Potters have all enjoyed the pleasure of excellent education and now we would like to extend that opportunity to all of the fine people of this city. That's why the Potter Corporation has funded this project and will continue to fund others like it. Thank you for coming, enjoy your meals and as always enjoy a good book." The crowd applauded, and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. At least James had the common sense to stay to the script. It was when a crowd of reporters surrounded James that Sirius wished that a lightning bolt would come down and save James.

          "Mr. Potter that was an excellent speech, do you care to divulge your favorite novel with us?" A perky blonde reporter asked.

          "That's easy! I do enjoy those Curious George books, they are absolutely tops!" James enthusiastically replied. The reporter looked confused but let out a nervous chuckle. Sirius quickly stole James away.

          "Ben called, he wants you over there within the hour." Sirius informed him.

          "Is he crazy? He expects me to drive down all the way to Great Neck, now?" James scoffed.

          "Okay then, the car will be ready in ten minutes James." Sirius replied.

          "Good." James exclaimed and hurried to the bar. He needed at least one martini before he could handle wonderful Benjamin.

---

          James nervously rubbed the back of his neck and rang the bell to the tune of Fur Elise. A young blonde girl answered the door.

          "Anna!" James swooped down and spun her around, "What are you doing up? Where's Foxworthy, isn't it his job to answer the door?"

          "I know Uncle James, I've been playing hide and go seek with Fox. Bedtime is nooo fun." She pouted, and an old man picked her up.

          "Good evening James." He addressed formally, "Little Anna needs to go to bed, and Mister Benjamin requests your presence at the indoor pool."

          "Swimming, this late? Ah well. Good night Anna and Foxworthy, I l_ooo_ve what you've done with your hair. It's _quite_ stylish." James kissed his niece, gave the old man a terse smile and then walked down the hall to the pool.

---

          Benjamin Potter III looked tersely at his younger brother as he casually walked into the pool area. He got out of the pool and began to towel off, before he spoke.

          "James because of your half-wit attorney, we just lost the Emerson deal." He gave him a dark look.

          "She **was qualified Ben, but…" James began slowly.**

          "James, she might have been qualified to enter a damn wet t-shirt contest but we need someone with brains. We need an attorney that has graduated from some world renowned university. **Someone who has enough sense ****not to sleep with you. I'm giving you two days James. Find a suitable attorney by then or else." James opened his mouth to speak but when Ben shot him a look he promptly shut it.**

          "Speaking of your love life, have you divorced that gold-digger of a wife yet?"

          "_I'm in the process_…" James replied uneasily.

          "When you find a new chief counsel, that witch is the **first** thing to go, understood?" Ben raised his eyebrows looking for a response.

          Nodding his head in agreement he replied, "_Understood_…"

---

          Lily hit the play button on her answering machine as she fumbled around looking for DiGorgio's take out menu under the stack of bills and papers.

          _'Hey honey, it's me, Xander, I'm saving some whales, call you tomorrow.'_ Good ol' Xander she thought smiling softly.

          _'Lily we need those papers for the Smith case asap.'_ Lily heard the professional voice of her boss and she promptly erased the message. Picking up the phone she dialed without even looking at the keys.

          "Hey Mr. DiGorgio! Uh, could you get me one order of eggplant parmesean, two orders of your chicken alfredo, and one large pizza?"

          "_Of course Ms. Evans, Giuseppe will be down there soon to drop it off. Anything to drink to go with that?"_

          "Uh…yeah two beers please."

          _"This is a lot of food, will someone special be joining you tonight, my little flower?"_

          "No Mr. DiGorgio it's just for me, I'm alone…" Lily said into the receiver and then at the moment she realized how very alone she really was.

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gimme some feedback!

**3** hailey


	2. I hired you for your reputation, Sydney ...

**Soojin & Fae-**lol, there will be a lot of _Two Weeks Notice** Demonstar, Jesica Black, Eleanor, Petitange, minime29, ta-tiana258, Ohepelss Oramtnci, Snowlily-THANKS FOR REVIEWING! **_

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**author's**** note: Thanks for all the reviews, muah! Some of the scenes are my own creations and aren't in the _Two Weeks Notice_ screenplay at all.******

**disclaimer****: I don't own Harry Potter or _Two Weeks Notice_ or _The American President_ where this chapter title comes from.**

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You poor, sad multimillionaire

**Chapter 2: **_"I hired your reputation, _Sydney___. I hired a pit bull, not a prom queen."_

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          James fiddled with the strands of blonde hair splayed across his chest trying to wake the sleeping female. Finally she moved and sat up in bed looking at him with wide blue eyes. She grinned seductively and began toying with his hair, something he strongly disliked. He swatted her hand away and she pouted.

          "Ready for another round already Jimmy-poo?" She purred.

          James quickly hopped out of bed getting himself wrapped up in the sheets. "Actually Angela…I wanted to talk to you about something important…"

          She giggled and threw her arms around him. _Uh-oh_ James thought before continuing, "Angela…let me be direct about this, I'm firing you."

          She stopped giggling and looked at him incredulously, her voice dropped as she asked "What?"

          "Well…Ben ordered me to find a new attorney. Apparently, you lost us the Emerson deal and he wants me to find someone who has graduated from somewhere important and who can take care of the business properly _and_…" James threw his hands up in the air.

          "But Jimmy-poo, this still means that I'll be your girl…_right_?" She toyed with the collar of his robe.

          "_Actually…_you've been ordered to clear out all of your stuff by the end of the day. **And you're not to return to ****any part of the Potter premises..." James began slowly.**

          "You own half the goddamn city!" She shrieked carelessly putting her clothes on.

          "And your point _is?" He ducked as a black vase came sailing through the air. _

          "I don't care! You're not going to get away with this James Potter!" yelled the frantic female. 

          James looked at her curiously. "Get away with **what**?"

          "**ACK!" She screamed constantly and ran towards him. **

          James stepped to the side and yelled, "George! **INCOMING**!!!"

          A muscular man dressed head to toe in black opened the door as the frenzied blonde missed her target and ran right into the hallway wall hitting it with a _thud_. George threw her over his shoulder and carried her towards the elevator. James began to laugh hysterically as Sirius walked in munching on a chocolate chip scone. Remus accompanied him, but he was sipping coffee. 

          "What the hell did you do to _her?" Sirius asked in between bites._

          "I _just_ fired her, it's not **that** big a deal! There are plenty of places where she could find a job. Take Hooters for one." Remus chuckled, James would **never** change. 

---

          Lily yawned putting on her robe and slipping on her favorite pink fluffy slippers. Cup of black coffee in hand she went out to get the paper. It hit her square in the forehead. She heard the paperboy '.chuckle. Gulping down the rest of the coffee she threw the mug at him. It missed. The red-headed kid on the bike yelled a sarcastic, "Sorry lady!" Lily groaned and made her way back into the sanity of her house. She flipped open the paper scanning the major headlines before she moved onto local news. In block letters the headline was '**Real Estate Tycoon James Potter Plans to Take Down Community Center to Build Condominiums**'. Lily groaned. She _really_ hated that damn James Potter and it was time for him to find that out.

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          James, Remus, and Sirius walked into the elevator. James told the attendant they were heading for the lobby.

          "Well Phase One is done. You fired the hot yet psychotic bimbo. Now you have to find another one by the end of the day." Sirius said.

          James sighed, "Well it she can be hot and psychotic but not a bimbo. I think Ben will have my head if I don't find a decent attorney this time."     

          "Well you have only a couple of hours…" Remus replied.

          "**Don't** remind me." James grumbled. As they exited the building a redhead in gray yelled "Mr. Potter!" She was waving around a newspaper and in her other hand she had a cup of Starbucks. He ignored her and made his way to the car. She ran after him. Annoyed by her screaming James stopped at the car door long enough for her to catch up.

          "What is it Miss…" James began.

          "Evans. Lily Evans. I'm an attorney and after reading this mornings paper I noticed that your planning to take down my local community center for another one of your housing projects. I just wanted to say that…" Lily ranted.

          "Did you say you're an attorney?" James cut in.

          "Yes." 

          "And where did you graduate from?" James asked.

          "Harvard. I don't see why that matters though." James grinned. Lily looked at him completely puzzled.

          Motioning to the car door James said, "Get in. I have a meeting, we'll talk on the way."

          Dumbfounded Lily stepped into the limousine. Remus thought _Evans…Evans…Where have I heard that name?_ "Oh my god." He said aloud.

          "You're the Lily Evans who is always protesting against all of James' projects." Remus said pointing his finger at her. She blushed and nodded meekly.

          "How would you like to be my new chief counsel?" James asked. 

          Lily's big green eyes rounded, "Excuse me? I hate you. You hate me. I become your attorney? Sorry, but I am _not seeing the connection."_

          "Well I need a new chief counsel or my brother will most likely beat me to a pulp. You graduated from Harvard so you must be brilliant. You'd be perfect! I'll start you at $200,000." James explained.

          "He gives a generous Christmas bonus." Sirius piped.

          "But..." Lily started dumbfounded.

          "Listen, I'll throw in a nice uptown apartment where you can stay. You'll have millions of dollars in your hands to spend on whatever charity or organization you like. If work for me, I _promise I won't knock down your precious community center. Do we have a deal?" James asked._

          For lack of anything better to say she just nodded her head and shook his outstretched hand. As the three stepped out of limousine James called, "Tell my driver to take you home, and give him your number! You start tomorrow Ms. Evans!"

          Lily still couldn't close her mouth. She was working for her worst enemy. _How the hell did **this** happen? _She thought as the driver sped her home.

---

          The dim light and the red walls of Chinese restaurant were adorned with gorgeous pieces of art. Lily was scanning the pieces when Abby sat down. Her chocolate brown hair was pulled away from her face and the thick periwinkle sweater complemented her blue eyes. Lily was dressed in a pencil-straight charcoal skirt and an off-white cashmere turtleneck. They mumbled quick hellos and before they could talk a waiter came by with menus and they quickly ordered.

          "On the phone you sounded anxious, what happened?" Abby asked worriedly.

          "Oh nothing…I just got hired by James Potter." Lily said quietly.

          Arabella spit her water out onto Lily's face. "You **_what_**?"

          Lily grinned, "You heard me. I got hired by James Potter. I went downtown to talk about him tearing down the community center when he offered a job."

          Abby looked at her curiously, "Your smiling. Usually when you talk about that 'egotistical corporate tycoon' you usually look like you could shoot laser beams out of your eyes."

          Lily narrowed her eyes, "He told me if I took the job he would save the community center. Plus I can use his money to fund other projects. I graduated from Harvard, I _think I can handle being some pretty-boy's chief counsel."_

          "Is he as sexy in real life as the pictures?" Abby asked eagerly.

          "**_Abby_**!"

          "_What_? If you don't want to go after him, **I** will. You can introduce us and then it'll go from there. _Please, Lil_eeeeee_!" Abby did her puppy eyes._

          Lily scowled, "Well he did have two friends with him. I guess they're okay if you go for that tall, handsome thing."

          Abby squealed. _What have I gotten myself into? Lily thought. _

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Press the little button down there…it's gonna take at least 20 reviews for me to post again!!! The more the faster I'll have the third chapter up!

**3** hailey


	3. I need your opinion, now

**purplenicole@msn.com & weirdo with a computer-**the only magic will be the magic between James and Lily (corny I know, but I don't think magic will fit into modern day NYC) **gila3**-don't kill me! **Soojin, Eleanor, KatherineAshley, Empress Genevieve, KV, BEE-bee, Michelle, iouaname, the keeper of secrets, and zwizwi-**thanks for all the support!

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**author's note:** Thanks for all the delightful reviews, they made my day. Since it's getting close to the end of the year, 26 more days of school before finals start, my teachers have been cramming and I've been studying so I don't flunk. This chapter is for all my reviewers, I love you guys to death!

**disclaimer: ** I don't own anything related to _Two Weeks Notice_, besides the DVD. I don't own the oompa loompas either; I think they belong to Roald Dahl. The quote is from _Red Dragon,_ which I think is the creepiest Hannibal Lecter film. 

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You poor, sad multimillionaire

**Chapter 3: **_"I need your opinion, now"_

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          The noise on the floor was getting on her nerves, didn't these people understand that noise pollution was as bad as cutting down a forest of trees? Obviously not. Phones were ringing constantly. She could hear the beep of the fax machine and Dorothy the polyester clad, near-sighted, bleached blonde, seventy-something secretary was talking way too loudly to her husband about things that gave Lily some nasty mental images. Above it all, James was nowhere to be found and she really needed him to sign the papers clearing the construction for the complex he was planning on building. On cue, he appeared holding two bottles of what appeared to be hair gel. 

          "James! There you are, I needed to talk to you about signing these papers…" Lily began. Before she could finish he grabbed them and signed every place she had marked.

          "Uh, _thanks._" She murmured. 

          "Yeah, yeah. Now Lily I need your advice. Which one? The blue guarantees 24 hour hold, and the green says it doesn't give that nasty flaky look." James held each one up.

          Lily wrinkled her nose. "Well both obviously have been tested on animals and the amount of chemicals in them is just atrocious. Why don't you just leave your hair the way it is I like it."

          James looked as if the light bulb in his head had just lit up.  "I've asked at least thirty people the same question and you're the only one to come up with that answer. Interesting. I think you're right I have to admit I do look quite dashing."

          He looked around. "You're still on _this_ floor? I must get you a new office."

          "But…" Before Lily could protest he was already out of sight.

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[_3 months later_]

          Lily plopped onto the burgundy leather couch. James fell into the seat beside her. He sat contemplating for a while before speaking.

          "I rather like this one."

          "Mhmm…" Lily murmured. 

          James turned to look at her. "You don't approve?"

          "It's too…_comfy._" Lily said waving her hands for effort. 

          "What's wrong with comfy?" He asked one eyebrow raised.

          "Nothing, but what if you fall asleep in your couch?"

          "A couch is a very useful for things besides sitting and sleeping, in fact it's the next best place besides a bed to have s…" James began.

          Lily threw her hands over her head and stood up. "No details James. No details."

          Walking out of the store Lily asked, "Why is it you need a new couch again?"

          "My wife had a tryst with her lawyer on it. I can never look at it the same way." 

          Lily groaned. "No details James. _No details._"

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          Lily swirled her spoon around the vanilla ice cream mixing the chocolate sauce into it creating a dizzying pattern. James and her had decided to pay a visit to the area that was soon to be inhabited by both Lily's precious community center and the newest addition to Potter Corporation. Against her better judgment, she had allowed Abby to come along. James had brought Sirius and the two were getting along quite well. Suddenly a cherry dropped into her bowl.

          "Fruit does not belong in dessert. The idea is absolutely preposterous." The British voice tickled her ear.

          "I don't think you can really consider it a fruit after all the preservatives and things it's been put in." Lily replied biting off the cherry and depositing the stem on her napkin.

          James glanced at Sirius and Abby who were involved in their own conversation. "They seem to be hitting it off fabulously."

          "It's making me sick. Want a taste?" Lily asked holding up her spoon.

          James obliged and continued. "I never took you for the touchy feely type. I think if a man brought you roses and expensive chocolates you'd close the door on him, throw out the roses and gorge on the chocolates."

          Lily glared, he smirked. "Ugh. I'm really going to hurl." She said staring pointedly at the couple.

          "Well I don't want to see the remnants of the two burritos and salad you just had so, care to give me a tour of your quaint town?" James said offering her an arm.

          "Sure." They walked around talking and feeding off each other's ice cream before Lily led James to an old rooftop.

          "Abby seems nice enough. Or at least Sirius seems to think so." James said staring down below at the girls playing jump rope. 

          Lily sighed. "She's like a sister to me."

          "So what about your parents? Was your mother as terrifying as you?" He joked.

          Lily looked suddenly downcast. "They both passed away before I graduated law school. My dad was a law professor down in the city and my mom taught law to high schoolers. We didn't really get along. She was always expecting something better than I had to offer. So I guess your right about the terrifying thing."

          James gave her a small smirk. "It's good to know. I think I'd be extremely scared to know that you developed that glare by yourself."

          Lily gave him a terse smile; maybe James Potter wasn't so bad after all.

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[_1 month later_]

          The phone rang with a startling beep. Lily jumped awake and fumbled around dropping her alarm clock off the bed. She stared at the caller id, _James._ Glancing at her the eerie red glow of the fallen clock she looked at the time, _1:57,_ _was he absolutely insane?_

          "James why are you calling me at two in the morning?"

          "Oh good you're up Lily." Lily groaned.

          "**_What_ is it**?"

          "I had a dream that I was being chased around by oompa loompas and then they put me in a barber's chair and started chanting and then they cut my hair! All of it I was bald, it was quite terrible." She could almost see him sitting in his bed sipping a glass of milk and listening to the machine that simulated the sound of the ocean, it was quite unnerving.

          "James. **Go to sleep**. Oompa loompas _don't_ exist. You still have all your hair on your head and you'll survive. We're meeting with your wife and her lawyer in the afternoon and I really, _really _need to sleep. So **please**, just listen to your machine think about sheep and cotton candy and lots of little bunnies." Lily said very irritated.

          "But I'm scared of little bunnies, didn't I tell you about…" James began.

          "**Good night** James." Lily said turning her cell off and flinging it across the room.

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Yay! That chapter's finished finally! In the next one, Lily will meet with James' ex, they'll go shopping, he'll call her out of the wedding and then we'll have her telling him she's leaving. Review please, I'm thinking like 40 reviews for the next post. I hope I'm not being greedy, enjoy the story and **please, please** give me feedback!

**3** hailey


	4. I wanna talk about me

**KirbeeDesirae-**Since I think you were right, I've eliminated the review quota system. **Snowlily-**I don't want to rip off the movie, so I'm adding my own stuff, and most of the dialogue is of my creation although some I just changed the wording. The basic plot will be the same, and go watch the movie! **EmpressGenevieve, iouaname, Aicirtap, Ohepeless Oramtnci, zwizwi, Eleanor, Moon*wolf, fae, mooncancer, mystikalolo, jesica black, Loggie-**thank you all for reviewing, especially for those of you who have been reviewing for each chapter. As always your feedback is extremely appreciated and will be taken into account for future chapters!

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**author's note: **Wow, you guys have been giving me a ton of support. I know the song _I wanna talk about me_ is country music, and I hate country music but I heard it in the mall the other day and then I thought it would be pretty perfect for this chapter so, BAH! Anyways, I stayed home sick today so I thought that between the coughing and fever I might be able to get this chapter out to you guys.

**disclaimer:** The song _I wanna talk about me_ is sung by Toby Keith and I most definitely do not own any part of the movie _Two Weeks Notice. _

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You poor, sad multimillionaire

**Chapter 4: **_"I wanna talk about me"_

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_We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk  
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts  
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother  
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover  
  
_

          Mrs. Marissa Livingston Potter soon to be Ms. Marissa Livingston was definitely not on Lily's list of favorite people. Dressed in a white designer suit, dyed blonde curls which were extremely stiff, her already stretched-out face was even more distorted by the glare she was shooting at James. Her lawyer was a tanned blonde dressed impeccably shuffling through some papers nervously. Lily could see how the whole 'tryst on the sofa' had come about. Ignoring the tense air in the conference room she cleared her throat.  

          "Mrs. Potter…" Lily began.

          "It's Ms. Livingston" The blonde scowled.

          Lily rolled her eyes. "Ms. Livingston, Mr. Potter has agreed to generously give you the some of his European estates and 3.5 million dollars in assets."

          The tanned lawyer interrupted, "We would like to cite a little rendez-vous between Mr. Potter and a certain secretary as a violation of pre-nuptial agreements entitling Ms. Livingston to an addition 1.5 million dollars."

          "Well, a certain lawyer had a 'rendez-vous' with Ms. Livingston as well so she has been in violation as well and therefore the money will not be rewarded to her."

          "You bitch!" And with that she reached across the table and tried to strangle Lily. Lily shoved her off and dumped the pitcher of water over her head. Before the blonde could retaliate Mr. Surfer-boy lawyer and James quickly moved in and separated the two women.

          James looked concernedly at Lily, "Are you hurt?"

          Lily shot the blonde a look, "Besides the fact that I can barely breathe, I'm pretty much fine."

          "Look what you did to this dress! It's brand new, and my hair, I'm going to charge you with assault, you little tramp!" Marissa glared at Lily venomously.

          "Who are you calling a tramp?" Lily returned the glare.

          Fearing another physical encounter James interjected, "Marissa you will receive your 1.5 million dollars as long as you don't do anything as stupid as charging assault. A little water never hurt anyone. Now if you will please hand me the papers can we sign and get this over with?"

_We talk about your friends and the places that you've been  
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin  
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose  
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes  
  
_

"Why'd you give her the money James?" Lily asked as they walked along the street.

          "Your always telling me to give money to the less fortunate, she's less fortunate than me." He replied.

          Lily rolled her eyes, "James, **everyone** is less fortunate than you."

          "True, but she wouldn't have left me alone until she got what she wanted." He said as they walked up to a hot dog vendor. "Want one?"

          Lily wrinkled her nose, "Ew. Do you know what does things are made of?"

          "No, and I'd like to keep it that way." He ordered a hot dog and they continued to walk down the street. He finished the hot dog in a few bites and they proceeded into Bloomingdales. Lily held her portfolio as James browsed through the clothes.

          "James, I'm your chief counsel, you're supposed to **listen** to me."

          James returned with a pink shirt in hand, "I know, but you were busy trying to drown someone. Anyway, what do you think of this shirt? Is it tacky or shirt-acular?"

          "Tacky. James, you ask my opinion on your clothes but when it comes to the things that I've been hired to tell you, you don't listen to me." 

          James didn't even look up from the racks. "Mhmm."

          Lily threw her hands up in the air. "You know what? I am not your clothing consultant, therapist, or an advice columnist. I'm your **lawyer**! Start treating me like one!" With that she stomped out of the store.

          "Lily! Wait! I found a different shirt!" He called, but she was already gone.

_You know talking about you makes me smile  
But every once in awhile  
I wanna talk about me  
Wanna talk about I  
Wanna talk about number one   
Oh my me my  
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see  
I like talking about you, usually, but occasionally  
I wanna talk about me  
I wanna talk about me  
  
_

Lily smoothed her fingers over the light blue silk. After an invigorating day at her favorite spa and lots of natural beauty products she finally felt pretty for the first time since she had started working for James. She gingerly pressed a lock of hair back into its proper place in the chignon and waited for the priest to continue. She loved Abby's little sister Lorelai and was more than happy to be a bridesmaid for the wedding. The priest was at the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part when a cell phone rang. The people in the church looked at each other. Inwardly groaning Lily picked up her cell phone and looked at the message, _EMERGENCY-James._ Abby gave her a look.

"Sorry! Congratulations, but I got to run!" Lily gave Lorelai a quick kiss and threw her bag over her shoulder. 

Running down the aisle she stepped on the toes of an old lady. "Sorry!" she yelled and proceeded to run out of the church.

_  
We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes  
your high school team and your moisturizer creme  
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana  
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama  
We talk about your guys of every shape and size  
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize  
We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts  
And your medical charts and where you start  
  
_

She looked into the dark New York night. The street was empty except for a bright yellow cab with a man about to get in. Her heels clicking violently she ran towards him.

"Uh, sir give me your cab and I'll give you twenty bucks." She said breathlessly.

"Forget the twenty, how bout dinner instead?" He leered.

Freaked out she replied, "Keep your dinner, I'll keep my twenty." Without another word she climbed into the cab. 

"The Grand Hotel, pronto!" She yelled at the cabbie. She tried dialing James but there was no answer. The cab skidded to a stop and she threw some money at him. While trying to keep her dress from getting wet, she briskly walked into the hotel. Giving a short nod to the concierge she walked to the elevator and hit the top button. Leaning against the wall of the elevator completely out of breath she wondered what the problem was.

_You know talking about you makes me grin  
But every now and then  
I wanna talk about me  
Wanna talk about I  
Wanna talk about number one   
Oh my me my  
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see  
I like talking about you, usually, but occasionally  
I wanna talk about me  
 _

"James!" She screamed kicking open the door.

"In my closet!" Was the muffled reply.

Walking towards the closet she began to ramble, "James, did the paperwork not go through? It had to, I triple-checked and…"

James looked at her, "Well someone looks quite spiffy."

"Thank you. I was busy being a bridesmaid when **someone** called me, so what's the problem?"

"It's not the paperwork, Lil. They decided to let be a special guest judge for American Idol. Now what look should I go for, classic, or hip classic?" James said holding up two different pants.

Lily groaned. "You did not just call me out of Lorelai's wedding to pick a pair of clothes did you? You said it was an **emergency**. Do you remember what constitutes an emergency?"

"Yes. Tornadoes, tsunamis, fires, meteors, and I forget the last one…" He rubbed his chin. Lily grabbed the pants out of his hands and put them back in the closet.

She grabbed a pair of black pants, "**Death**. And you're not dead James."

"Well that's good. I guess the world can go on."

She sighed in frustration. "This isn't an emergency. It wasn't an emergency when you picked up a girl at the bar and asked me to make sure she was over sixteen. It wasn't an emergency when you had the castration dream. It wasn't an emergency when you wanted to know what tofu was made of. And this and every other single time you called me **certainly** weren't emergencies James!"

"Well, **you** left your cell phone on all those times. You know what I think, I think you enjoy emergencies, you **feed** off of them!" He said pointing at him.

She threw a light blue sweater at him. "Yes James, I **adore** emergencies they give me an adrenaline rush. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even think properly! When I'm not counseling you on 'emergencies' I think I'm talking to you, I **dream **about talking to you. You are like this annoying voice in my head. When I'm in the shower I can't remember whether I shampooed or not because I was thinking about something you said or something I thought you said! So I have to shampoo twice! Thanks to you I'm a zombie who is wasting a ton of money on shampoo!" 

"Have you considered seeing a therapist, I know a very good one." He said pulling on the sweater.

She sighed in frustration. "Argh! You don't get it James! The world doesn't revolve around you! My world **shouldn't** be revolving around you!"

While tying one shoe he replied, "Well it does. I **need **your opinion on everything Lily. Your opinion is like a drug, I had it once and I can't stop. Do you think I enjoy being reliant on you?"

"You," Lily poked him in the chest, "James Potter are the most selfish person on the face of the planet."

"Well that's simply ridiculous, have you met everyone on the face of the planet?" He asked one eyebrow raised.

Lily stomped out of the hotel room. "Where are you going Lily?" James asked rushing after her.

She turned around to face him. "I can't take this anymore James. Consider this my two weeks notice, I quit."

_I wanna talk about me_

---

Good or bad? My dialogue for the last scene isn't as good as the movie's dialogue but I tried. Review, pwease! 

**3 **hailey


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